Yesterday Kristina, Eliot and I went to the cemetery where I plan on being buried. Since my last chemo was more than a week ago I am feeling very good, totally normal. How to reconcile my present with my future? These kinds of mash ups are a constant in my present life.
One thing that helps is reading. I’m presently making my way through the Essays of Montaigne. I feel I am not only meeting a new friend but also gaining perspective on life in general. Montaigne is an examplar of a middle path. The good and the bad and the sweet spot between. I also find that some of my favorite parts of Judaism do the same. Everything in moderation.
Surely the comic and tragic are realigning and mixing in wild and crazy ways for me these days. Jokes like,”I can’t eat that. It’s carcinogenic!” are black humor, but humor none the less. Just like piquant sauces make food taste better my illness is not without its redeeming qualities. A perspective that can take in both the beauty and absurdity of life at the same time has kept me alive up till now. As long as I see both sides of this coin I am doing well.